Remember your goals: to be compassionate, collaborative, and effective
Make direct eye contact to let the person know that you are interested in
what he/she is saying.
Be 100% present and not pre-occupied. Be very careful about facial
expressions, and do not look at your watch or phone, sigh, snort, or roll
your eyes.
Be slow to speak and quick to listen (perhaps wait 5 seconds before
speaking) James 1:19-20 says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to
speak, and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the
righteous life that God desires” (NIV)
Resist the temptation to interrupt the person who is speaking
Do not talk in absolutes (avoid words such as “always” or “never”)
More words are better (miscommunication is less likely to happen with an
over-explanation or asking clarifying questions)
Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements (for example, “I feel
_______________ when you say or do _________________”)
Speak words without attaching a judgment to them (this includes your tone
of voice as well)
Make sure your words are in accordance with Ephesians 4:29 which says,
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is
helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit
those who listen” (NIV)
Resist the temptation to jump to conclusions about what others are thinking
or their motivations
Apologize and ask for forgiveness if you hurt someone’s feelings